Clean is preferred, slightly riske' is better

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Clean is preferred, slightly riske' is better

Unread postby Jeffreydan » Sun Aug 28, 2011 2:20 pm

Jokes: post 'em if you got 'em.

Frank's employer transfers him to a small rural town to oversee construction of their new manufacturing facility. He's there for a couple of weeks and things are going well, until he's in the local bar one night and notices that there aren't any women around. He thinks about it for a moment, and realizes that the entire time he's been in that town, he hasn't seen any women whatsoever. He brought it up to the bartender, who replied, "Nobody told you? This town has never had any female residents, and I can't remember the last time one even visited here. Any guy wants the company of a lady will have to drive about 70 miles to the nearest city."
Frank was stunned. "You mean any guy yearning for a little, you know, 'roll in the hay,' has to put up with an hour+ drive chock-full of hair-pin turns?!" he asked.
The bartender said, "well, some of us sometimes use Ol' Zeke over there," as he pointed to a small, bearded farmer-type in his '60's sitting between two very large men. Frank scoffed and accused him of pulling his leg, but the bartender reiterated, Ol' Zeke was in fact the town's only sexual outlet that involved a second person.
Frank exclaimed, "man, that's insane! I can't agree with that sort of thing!" and left the bar.

Well, another couple of weeks pass, and Frank is in the same bar, and curiosity overcomes him again as he observes Ol' Zeke in the corner with his two linebacker-esque companions. "I gotta ask again," he told the bartender. "Ol Zeke really, honestly is the one guys around here see if they're in the mood? This is true?" The bartender again assured him that was a fact. Finally convinced, Frank again said, "Wow. Well, I still don't agree with that, don't think I'll ever. By the way, why's Ol' Zeke always hanging with those two big lugs?"

Bartender replies, "Oh, their job is to hold him down. Ol' Zeke doesn't agree with it either."
"I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day, because then it's going to be up all night."
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Clean is preferred, slightly riske' is better

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Re: Clean is preferred, slightly riske' is better

Unread postby Phinehas » Wed Aug 31, 2011 1:13 am

15,000 Atheists in London rioted after a blank sheet of paper was found on a cartoonist's desk.
Sector 8023 is stuck on Ground Hog day.
"I will wait for the truth to find me but I will never leave it to you." - Versant
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Re: Clean is preferred, slightly riske' is better

Unread postby robin in fl » Wed Aug 31, 2011 10:58 am

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'

The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'

'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.

'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.

'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.

'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.

'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?' persisted Satan.

'Yep,' was the calm reply.

'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.

' Nope,' said the old man

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'

The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48 years
I have learned you can't please everyone ..................But it's possible to make'em all mad at the same time.
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Re: Clean is preferred, slightly riske' is better

Unread postby robin in fl » Wed Aug 31, 2011 11:33 am

The CIA had a job opening for one new agent. They had it down to the final 3. Two men and one woman.

The prospective new agents were told to show up with their spouses. The spouses were put in separate rooms.

The agent conducting the final interview tell the 3 how important being able to follow instructions are when working for the CIA .They all said that wouldn't be a problem.

"we will see" said the agent. He hands the first guy a gun , points
to a room ,and
says, "your
wife is in there, shoot her" ... the guy looks at him and says. "are you kidding??,I'm NOT going to shoot my wife!"

"Ok..thanks for coming in, you can go now".

He hands the second guy the gun and says. "your wife is in the next room, go shoot her"..The guy looks at the agent and the gun and hesitates a moment and waits to see if this is for real...hoping if he acts like he is considering ,it will be good enough....
after a minute, the agent says "thank you for coming in".

He looks at the woman and says "your husband is in that last room, could you do it? the woman takes the gun, quickly walks into the room.within a minute he hears a lot of noise ...

about 2 minutes later the woman walks out of the room with a chair leg covered in blood. She calmly looks at the agent and says,"you didn't tell me the gun was unloaded, I had to use a chair to kill him"!
I have learned you can't please everyone ..................But it's possible to make'em all mad at the same time.
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Re: Clean is preferred, slightly riske' is better

Unread postby robin in fl » Thu Sep 08, 2011 9:47 pm

Three women die together in an accident And go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!' So they enter heaven, and sure enough, There are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, And although they try their best to avoid them, The first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to Spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'

The next day, The second woman steps accidentally on a duck And along comes St. Peter, Who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together With the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, Not wanting to be chained For all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months Without stepping on any ducks, But One day St.Peter comes up to her With the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on .... Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, 'I wonder what I did to deserve being Chained to you for all of eternity?' The guy says, 'I don't know about you, But I stepped on a Duck. ;)
I have learned you can't please everyone ..................But it's possible to make'em all mad at the same time.
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